Be a SAHM???-The Series - Guilt by association

Alright, so you might be wondering what this second set to the series is-Guilt By Association.  If you didn’t get to read the first post of this series-you can check it out “here”.  The point of the series is to go through all of the options that one might think of when trying to decide to be a stay at home mom and if it is right for you.  It is also for things that you might encounter as a stay at home mother.  

Damned if I do-damned if I don’t

So you are faced with this new choice of how to live your life and adjust your lifestyle.  You spend a good bit of time trying to find out what is best for your family and you make a decision.  Now, I am going to call this a short term decision that you have made.  Why?  Well, your circumstances could change, your perspective could change, etc.  So for the start of this new journey you are one with little one in tote you have decided one of three things-

·         I am going to be a stay at home mom-not bringing any money into my household and relying on my partner for financial support

·         I am going to do work from home or work in a flex schedule job that could require some daycare, but not full time daycare services (this could also fit into someone with a part time job)

·         I am going to work full time and rely on a daycare service full time

So now that you have made the choice-do you think it ends there?  It doesn’t.  You are in for a roller coaster of emotions and this is just the start.  Now keep in mind if you are a new mother it can feel like you have a lot of pressure to decide and decide quickly.  My suggestion is don’t keep your option in a box.  You can always change to one of the other options at another time when it fits your family and lifestyle.  

For the previously employed now staying at home not supplementing income-yes you get front row seats to your child every day, monitoring and seeing the rapid progress that your little one makes.  However, if you think that because you are a stay at home mother that this will allow you not to miss special moments, well that just isn’t true.  For example, the first time that Isabella rolled from back to tummy-I was in the bathroom!  It isn’t as if you are NEVER apart from your little one.  Any time that you are not with your child-could be the time that they do something that you wish you were there for.  The realization of this can make the SAHM feel like she needs to contribute to the finances.  When you are looking at the bank account slowly drain away, there is a guilt associated with not bringing home the extra money to make things easier.  This guilt can be troublesome and cause strain on the relationship with your partner.  Think that you won’t have the “financial guilt?”, well that isn’t the only guilt to be worried about.  There will be times were you feel guilty because you are bored with your drone of day to day, guilt that you want to run away for a day, guilt that you should be doing more, etc, etc, etc.

For the second on the list of part time, work from home, flex schedule-that comes with a different flavor of the guilt.  You are providing financially to the family, but you could feel like you could still contribute MORE.  Then you have the leaving your child with someone else-what did you miss that day?  You wish you could have spent the day with your little one, instead of dealing with idiots at work.  You may need this additional income for your family situation and feel guilty because you are not staying at home.  You may feel guilty because you are tired when you get home and don’t have that extra burst of energy that you feel you need.  You may feel guilty about needing a certain amount of time at home to work and you get frustrated with your child because they are too little to understand.

For the full time working mother, I wouldn’t think that the guilt would be associated with bringing home money, but more about the fact that they are not staying home with their little one, or the guilt associated with the fact that they love their job.  I can't really talk too much about this because, well I don't work full time.  If you are a full time working mommy-please share how you feel when the guilt comes and what triggers it!

Anyway you look at it, mother’s are faced with a guilt that just comes with the territory.  You may find that it is not beneficial to your child or your spouse for you to stay at home.  Yes it can strain the relationship and your mental well-being and you may not know this until you try to be a stay at home mom.  On the flip side you may realize that no matter what the sacrifice-you need to be at home.

Here is a funny little post about SAHGS (stay at home mom guiltsyndrome).

As a stay at home you will be grouped into some categories.  Here are a few to say the least-if you have any other terms, please share it in the comments section of the blog!

Domestic Diva-“A housewife who is beautiful and fabulous but hard-working. Making a fashion statement while doing housework is must! She's usually multi-tasking by taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, sweeping, mopping, etc. while wearing her cute lil aprons and high-heeled shoes. It's all about looking good while doing it!” –from Urbandictionary.com

Domestic Engineer-term for a housewife or stay at home parent-men included!

Granola mom- most generalized as the stay at home mother that home births, home schools, breastfeeding with child-led weaning at 3-4 years of age, uses a baby sling, ant-vaccination, organic food/clothing.

Soccer mom – middleclass suburban mother that is seen going to non-stop activities for “little angels”

Many women want to stray from any of these terms and are looked at in a negative way, however for other mom’s they are proud of their label.  What are your thoughts?

Know the acryonyms:

SAHM: (Stay at home mother)

WOHM: (work out of home mother)