So life in its typical fashion decided to throw us some curve balls. One of the reasons why I have not been on here to post is because of all the craziness. However, somewhere in the mix of things I found my grounded point-and had a new look at myself as a mother. Something that I think will happen quite often as I am on this new journey.
This past month or so has been-well to say the least-a whirlwind of different life curve balls. I found myself giving new mommy advice in the same fashion that I winced at when I was pregnant getting it from someone. That was an eye opener. Yes - I fell into the new mommy trap of talking as if I had all the answers and solutions to a new mom-to-be and didn’t realize it until AFTER the conversation was over. Then I found myself very actively giving new mommy judgment in full force to a new mother that was a part of our My Gym group-and let’s just say that I didn’t realize that either until the next time I saw her and then felt really bad.
My Mom came down to visit at which time our apartment decided that it wanted to show that it had water damage and we had to vacate the premises and stay in a hotel for a few days only to realize that we would have to move. So I said good-bye to my Mother and a few days later was moved into a new apartment.
Where am I going with all this??? Well, it was important to note my foot in mouth moments happened prior to the house evacuation. Then there I was alone-in a hotel room with baby and dog. I was unable to leave the dog at the hotel..and well let’s face it-most places don’t really like you bringing toto with you so we stayed in the hotel..the 3 of us. This is where my grounded moment came and I looked at things differently.
If you had been to our house prior to all this madness you would have seen a white erase board. On it were all the activities that we were to try to do with baby Bella in a day. A tracker if you will… to make sure that we were getting enough play time, tummy time, education time and the list goes on and on. With me being stay at home I felt it was important to make sure that she had a well rounded day. Trying to place structure where there really was none and now that I look back at it-I believe maybe even to justify my time at home. With all of my “duties” and the white board staring at me each day I was frantic to make sure that my baby girl was getting everything that she needed.
Then came the hotel room. No whiteboard, no educational time. Just me and the baby. The first day I panicked…really and truly I did. How was she going to get all her play time? I couldn’t put her on the floor of the hotel room..who knows when the last time the carpets were cleaned. So we were truly limited on space and resources. So you know what we did???? We cuddled. I talked and played with her on my lap. All the things we were supposed to do in the day went straight out the window and Bella was just Bella-and I was just me. The world didn’t fall apart, my baby didn’t suffer and I enjoyed being with her..just the two of us. As strange as this may sound-I had forgotten what that was like. I was so wrapped up in all the things I “had to do” that I didn’t realize that the biggest part of the equation was just spending time with her-letting her be the cute little joy that she is.
So we moved into the new place and suddenly the white erase board seemed like the most idiotic idea I had ever had. I haven’t used it since we moved into the new place. I am going to use it for my work stuff now once I get settled. What do Bella and I do now during the day? We play. I do whatever I want when I interact with her and don’t feel a need to make things be a certain way. I used to get so upset that my husband wouldn’t do the same type of interactions with her..he would just hold her or lay next to her as she played. Now, I get it. I don’t get frustrated anymore that he should be giving her more tummy time to try to learn to crawl, or sitting time to build muscles. Whatever he wants to do-well it is just fine by me.
Somewhere in the midst of everything I was turning into all the things I didn’t want to be..with the comments, the judgments and my own behavior at home. How it all started happening I have no idea-but I am thankful that things happened the way that they did. Bella smiles more during the day with me now. She tries to talk more during the day now. I am no longer trying to kill myself with the housework and all the baby duties. If it gets done-then great! However, if things fall to the wayside it isn’t the dirty laundry that didn’t get cleaned that I am going to remember. It is going to be me making silly faces at my baby girl to watch her laugh, or singing to her and seeing her smile. How I lost sight of that I have no idea, but I am glad that I am back to where I want to be now.
Everything happens for a reason…
