Lesson Number 1: Did she just say….
During your first pregnancy you will notice a lot of people telling you what you should be doing. This ranges from doctors, family, friends and yes even the complete stranger, as well as co-workers. For some reason our brains are starting a new wiring process and with the safety and well-fare of our little one in womb, we can find ourselves open and receptive to pregnancy ideas that may help us out. Let's face it, everything you do while pregnant is viewed with different eyes with everyone around you. For example, one day while working at the shop a customer came in and smelled fish. Now mind you, my brother had gone to Long John Silver's and they messed up the order with fish instead of chicken and I am such a finicky eater anyway, fish was something that prior-prego I never ate under any circumstances. Instead of someone asking "what's for lunch?" This is the response that I got..."What is that smell? Is that fish?! You can't eat fish-don't you KNOW that it isn't good for the baby???" My response.."No that isn't what I am eating for lunch, but yes the smell is fish." and then the response back was "Okay, because you know you are not supposed to eat that it is bad for the baby!" Point taken...and this happened all the time. And don’t get me started on doctor’s appointments..they are also fully focused on what YOU are doing and if YOU are doing the right things. With so many people telling you what to do, what was once a receptive conversation that you took in and thought about might just become a new defensive wall that you put up. Well, if you aren't able to handle the comments prior to baby being born-you are in for a real shock after the baby comes. Get ready for the crazy looks that people will give you, the unwanted advice and everyone seems to know what is best for your baby. Well, I gotta tell you-this is an important lesson..you need to find a way to shut down the conversation ASAP. With the many fears and self doubts of you doing the right thing ANYWAY because you are a new mom, these comments just stab you in the heart time and time again. Besides, you are with your newborn 24/7 and know the needs of your baby better than anyone else-family and friends included. Trust your gut instinct and know that it may take you a couple of times to figure things out-and what worked for everyone else, just may not work for you. Stay strong and stand your ground..after all you deserve it! Last time I checked you were the one that carried and bonded with your baby for almost a year, if you survived that-then you can survive anything!
Lesson Number 2: Fear Factor – the real life reality show
Okay, so you passed through the delivery with ease, difficulty, extreme circumstances what have you. Now you have to figure out how to do everything that you used to do differently, while learning how to take care of an infant. I have to tell you, things that are hard to do at first are sleep, shower, go to the bathroom, etc. Anything that you have to do that requires you looking at something OTHER than your baby for any sort of extended time-at first is a scary thought. You would have thought that I was back in boot camp for the Marines with 2 minutes to shower and brush my teeth. Or that I had someone counting down the amount of time that I was in the bathroom. Over time you learn that it is okay for the baby to be alone. Now by alone I do not mean leaving an infant in the house while you go on a shopping spree...I mean being able to take a shower, etc. But even as you start getting used to these things, there is still a little part of me at this point that is like "I hope she is still breathing, I hope she isn't tangled in a toy, I hope she didn't get hungry right when I got in the shower, I hope that the dog didn't sit on the baby." Still I get out of the shower and listen as soon as the water goes off for anything that let me knows she is still okay. The fear continues when you take the baby outside of the home.."Did I pack enough diapers, do I need to pack your immunization chart, did I bring enough changes of clothes for the baby, etc, etc, etc.” Know that whatever your fears are with the new one-you are never alone, someone has had your same fear at some point and cut yourself some slack with your new role. I remember the first time that I gave Isabella a bath-it was all of 2.2 seconds as I freaked out that she was going to drown and somehow the task seemed so overwhelming. The great thing with motherhood is that for all the fears that you have (at least so far with my little one) you will be able to adapt and overcome-just give yourself some time!
Lesson Number 3: Mrs. Jeckle and Ms. Hyde
Ready for this? Not only were you pregnant for almost a year-but on top of that it takes time for your body to adjust to not being pregnant-so those little friends of hormones are still creeping around making you lose it at the weirdest of times and at other times being someone you can’t even recognize. I find myself crying at any movie, tv show or commercial that has anything to do with children growing up. Case in point, Subaru has a commercial with a little girl in the driver’s side and the dad is outside the car telling her to be careful. I had seen the commercial before, but after I had the baby and saw it, I cried my little eyes out. I tried to stay away from those kinds of movies after Baby Bella came home-and partly because who had time to watch a movie? Anyways, I can’t tell you the number of times that I have cried because I felt like I was a bad mother. I didn’t feel this way because I was beating my child (I don’t), I felt this way because I would feel/still feel guilty for not being able to spend every minute with Baby Bella and needing my own time. Own time away from hubby, away from dog, away from baby..just some time to think and clear my head. I would feel guilty because while running on maybe an hour or two of sleep, hearing Isabella cry would trigger this “really???already???seriously???she JUST went to sleep.” Hormones plus fatigue equal irrational thoughts, and unusual behavior. Let’s face it, these were not my finest hours, but I was never upset with Baby Bella, I was upset with me for not being a “better” Mom. Being stay at home comes with its own set of obstacles and if you don’t give yourself a break-you will end up crashing and burning.
Lesson Number 4: Think, Think, Think….
I can’t tell you the number of times I have called the dog by the babies name and the baby by the dogs name. I can’t tell you the times that I forgot to snap the onesie on Baby Bella BEFORE I had already put the pants on her. Misc items that I use all the time somehow end up the most of ridiculous places. I remember one morning, I went to go give Daisy (the dog) water and instead found myself pouring milk into her water dish. Don’t ask me how that happened..I have no idea. Then with the anxiety of my first time out alone with Baby Bella, at a doc appt for me, and the first time using the stroller, I had the hardest time pushing the damn thing and thought to myself “We should have really tested out the whole stroller thing better” when it was pointed out to me that the wheels were locked-so turning was impossible. This was of course pointed out by a nurse with a smirk on her face.
Lesson Number 5: to be a cow, or not be a cow-that is the question
Before going into this lesson I would like to say to all the mothers out there that breast fed for ANY amount of time-I look up to you and WISH I had the endurance with the first pregnancy to be able to get through breast feeding. How long did I last? 2 weeks-and THAT was pushing it for me. For some women breast feeding is as natural and normal, not painful beautiful bonding experience with their child. Others are able to endure everything that may come with breast feeding. I do highly recommend that you try to breastfeed if you are in debate on the subject. All I heard when I was pregnant was how much better it was for your baby, that you should, and its hard but you will get through it, etc, etc,etc. I was on the fence, but decided to try. Lord knows I tried. Did I have problems with little girl latching-nope-no issues there. Did I produce enough milk? Yep. So one may ask why I didn’t last longer since everything was going okay. Well, my little girl decided when she was hungry she would attack her food with a vengeance-and the pain from that would make my entire upper torso flex and I would gasp with pain every time. I was seriously concerned with her safety (afraid that I would accidentally squeeze her to death while feeding). Add sleep deprived to the mix and that I was the only person that could feed her (hence the cow comment, because that is what I felt like) and re-covering from a c-section and it all equaled formula. I know that it is important for her to get my antibodies, and I hope that those two weeks really helped her out with that, but for me formula was a godsend. No one ever really talks about the perks of formula. It was amazing to me that instantly someone else could feed her and it didn’t require me pumping to get the job done. My husband got to feed her sooner and loved that time with her. It is fast, easy and travels well. I got to spend more time with both my baby and hubby because of it. My advice to new moms is this – If you have decided that you are going to breastfeed and you don’t make it-don’t feel like a bad mother. It doesn’t mean that you love your baby less. There is not a step by step manual you get for this-so do what you can. If you are able to breast feed for as long as you like-that is awesome! If you mentally and physically can’t do it though-it’s okay. Buy a small package of formula for a just in case. If you never use it..that’s fine, but in a crunch it could be a life-saver. For the mom that decides she is going to breast feed some things to consider having at the house for when you bring home baby are: lanolin nipple cream, ice packs, breast shields (yeah forgot those one night when I fell asleep and woke up in a pool of breast milk!), nipple shields for feeding in case you get sore, a notepad for writing down time baby ate and which breast (you will forget!).
Lesson Number 6: The truth about c-sections
Alright, so c-section was not planned for me, but since it was something that could have happened-and which actually did-I felt like my doctors should have let me know a little something something about them. Things that I didn’t know and had to find out the hard way were:
· Drugged – I was not prepared for how drugged up I was. I had epidural and general anasthesia and when I woke up-I was emotional, out of my mind and couldn’t think straight.
· Bonding – I had watched all the TLC shows and I saw the movies and what not. What is supposed to happen is your handed your little one and you cry for joy. However, that wasn’t what happened to me. I was alone, and a strange nurse brought me an infant and put her in my arms so that I could feed her. I was terrified, insecure, lost, had feelings of failure for not being able to have a natural delivery, you name it. However what I did not have was an instant love bonding moment with my child. Now that quickly happened as I spent more time with her-I love her more than anything-but an instant bond wasn’t there
· Period – I don’t know how I failed to know that after having a baby you bleed for about a month straight. And we aren’t talking spotting, I am talking losing enough blood that you should seriously need a blood transfusion. I hear that this is the same for vaginal delivery as well, but can’t comment on it, because I haven’t been through that.
· Bowel Movements – Okay I know this is a gross topic, but seriously you were just chopped into and your body is scared to do what it needs to do. Making sure you have a stool softener at the house will go a long way. It took me over a week to have a bowel movement and by the time I did, I thought that I passed a tree trunk. It was a very long, painful process that horrifies me still 4 months later.
· Pain Management – At some point you feel like you are constantly on meds and too drugged to be a mom. The pain kicks in at random times, and still there are some days that it hurts really bad. The healing time is really long. I seriously would wait to take the meds until I couldn’t stand it anymore because I felt drugged up all the time.
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