So here is the next part in the evaluation process of being a SAHM. I hope you are enjoying the series so far and finding the information useful when making your decision.
If you like repetitive things that you do over and over again-well then you are in luck! Having your full time work now at home you will find repetition is now a big portion of your new duties as a SAHM. Since I am a new SAHM with a baby that is now 5 months old I have determined that my duties changed at around the 3 month mark.
The first 3 months are really your child eating and sleeping with a million diaper changes in between. You will literally not have extended periods of sleep. The first month was centered around trying to adjust to our child’s schedule as she started the huge process of development. During this time you really just sleep when you can and the rest of the time goes to the attention of your little one. A lot of things tend to go by the wayside during this time. Exhaustion makes you less likely to cook your meals, have quality time with your spouse, focus on projects that you are working on and housework is when you have two seconds. There is not really a lot of downtime during this period because you are enjoying your new little one and freaking out about if your child is meeting requirements for weight/health/feeding/number of diapers, etc. Oh and that age old advice of sleep when they sleep—well that didn’t work for me. In fact, I don’t know if I have actually met anyone that used that advice.
After the first three months though, things began to change for us. Feedings became fewer but higher in amount per feeding. Sleeping became longer with naps starting to take place-and for the lucky-your baby could start sleeping through the night, or only needing 1 feeding during the night. Every child is different. Some parents that I have met with 6 month old children still do not sleep all the way through the night or don’t take naps during the day. The combinations are endless and the only one that can dictate it is your baby. Trying to enforce scheduling with your child will be just about impossible and once a routine is kind of present-it will change. So don’t get too comfortable when things seem to have been figured out!
The first sign of routine
So now my job duties have changed. After we made the move and my husband started his new job-well it finally hit at the 4 month mark that this was my new full time responsibility. With Baby Bella sleeping for naps, I tried to keep my days filled-but found a lot of time with nothing to do. The way that my house worked prior to now and after the 3 month mark was this-
I woke up with her. Then it was change diaper, feeding and then she went down for alone playtime on her jungle gym play mat. While she played this was my time to vacuum the carpets, clean the kitchen, start the laundry and then clean the bathroom. Now that may sound like a lot-but it isn’t when you are doing this a couple of times a day-everyday. So this time went by quick-like ½ hour to 45 minutes.
Then it was time to change her diaper-and bath time. I do bath time in the morning-not evening-personal preference. Once bath time was done and she was lotion up, ears cleaned and new clothes for the day-then it was feeding time again. Once feeding time was done-she went down for a nap.
During her first nap time was when I got to take a shower, take the dog outside, continue laundry, and pick up anything that I could/clean what I could until she woke up.
This process pretty much continues with the same outcome only adding story time, walks (sometime’s 2 a day to get out of the house), interactive play time with me. Lunch time for me is eating and prepping dinner. You do this until it is time for your little one to go to bed.
In the start there are only so many things that you can do-and it can leave you ready to scream because you want interaction from people, something different to talk about when your spouse gets home, etc. The older they get, the more you can add to the day filling it up with things other than the everyday hum of your new job.
However, now you have certain expectations from your spouse-and the two of you should talk about this. My husband does the grocery shopping (from a list that I prepare), takes out the trash, gets the dog to the groomer and makes sure that the cars are up to date on oil changes, etc.
I am responsible for the following (outside of raising our child):
- House inventory for food, personal care items, baby needs-creating lists for him for items to pick up
- Financials-I keep on track with this, pay bills, set forecast and send him updates via email
- · Majority of house keeping-laundry, floors, dishes, etc, etc
- · Calendar of events-keeping him posted on our schedule and his
- · Doctors appointments-he comes when he can, but I am responsible for scheduling these and getting her there
- · Product research-for items we need for baby-so that we can make decisions together
- · Meals
- · Home organization
So for the house itself-that would be me. As wonderful as it is to be able to be at home with my little one, doing laundry all day every day makes me feel like my head is in its own spin cycle. I hate doing laundry and dishes. I have never liked them and before we would share this task-but now we don’t.
Our now
So now we are doing about 2 naps a day each ranging from a ½ hour to 2 hours per nap and she sleeps during the night. However play time is very different for her. We had to take apart her play gym because it had become a safety issue and now she wants to either stand up or sit-both requiring hands on time for her safety. We have incorporated an outside activity which is “My-Gym” for her which she loves and we are about to sign her up for a 20 minute swim class that she will go to once a week. We have more reading time/educational time together now-which makes for a more interesting play time session for me! We also try to get out for a play date. This is all great to help break things up-but it also takes away from the everyday things that have to get done. I am finding myself with little time during the day to get everything done and try to spend quality time with my husband. I am always waiting until after 10-which is when my husband goes to bed and the baby is asleep-so that I can celebrate the silence. This is the time that I get to draft my blogs, read a book, watch a recorded show, etc.
However-I will say that at least once a week I have an overwhelming need to scream and get away from it all. The crying, house, dog-and yes-my husband. You will find that you are now a reactionary-aiding the needs of your child-and your husband and have little time for yourself to clear your head. Due to the fact that I needed to have something else to do other than what I was doing, I have continued to work with my mom building her web presence, book-keeping and appointments. I also started this blog which also takes some planning and time to maintain. Add to the mix items that I am sewing to sell-well my cup is officially FULL!
Mental Insanity
I find it hard for me now to carry conversations that have to do with things other than motherhood. I mean really at this stage in the game-you wait for milestones, but how many diapers you changed today is not really a topic that people want to talk about! I talk to myself a lot. I do talk to Baby Bella, but since it is a one way discussion-I am truly having a full conversation in my own voice out of my own head. Her toys that make music/sound get stuck in my head-and I am sorry but it can be really annoying for my hubby to hear me singing “Feel the salsa rhythm, from your head to your toes, dance to the beat-of the bongo!” so many times before he is telling me that I am insane and I need to get out of the house. There are days when I feel like I can’t do the laundry one more time, can’t unload the dishwasher one more time, wash one more bottle before I am going to go insane. After an exhausting day of being spit up on, diaper changes, crying, etc it can be difficult to be the bouncy happy housewife for my husband. Some days I long for the chaos of the job that I had prior and then feel guilty for feeling that way. Staying at home can take a toll on you-and your marriage if you aren’t careful!
The Reward
If you are a type of person that needs to be able to measure your success or something that lets you know that what you are doing is great for you and your family. Being a SAHM may not be a good idea. There is no one that is going to say “you did a GREAT job keeping the diaper genie empty today!” or “The play time that you had with Baby Bella was incredible!” In fact-just being a parent in general doesn’t have anything that lets you know you are doing a good job. You can do so many things-but the true fact is that your child is going to develop the way that they are programmed to. You can expose your child to things and try teaching them new things-but the ability to grasp that knowledge is all determined by your little one. There isn’t a bonus that you get at the end of the year for being a SAHM that you get because you kept the house clean and the household running. You have to be willing to do your SAHM job without recognition and be happy with that.
Now on the flip side, there is a high reward of being a SAHM that you get. It is knowing that you are running the house 100% making sure that everything runs smoothly. Being able to be the primary person interacting with your child, having those special times during the day for just the two of you. I get to watch her everyday grow as a little person and be amazed by her. I can’t express how much it means to me that I get this special time with her now-because it goes by so quickly.
Your thoughts
So knowing your personality-what do you think is the best option for you? I cannot stress that dependant on your family it may make for a happier baby and husband if you work. On the flip side-it can be just the opposite. You may be so unhappy that you are not at home that it could put stress on your baby and your husband. This decision can only be made by you and your spouse-but since you are the one that will be the one at home-ultimately you need to be happy with the decision that you make. Remember-you can always go back to work-or plan so that you can stay at home! Your baby is not going to remember the first couple of years of life. You will though-so you need to be happy with the choices that you make.
I know that a lot of what I posted could be looked at in a negative way. I do get tired of being home all the time. I am constantly looking for ways to flip my days into something else.
HOWEVER-I am happy with our decision for me to stay at home. I am enjoying this time with my little one-and it is time that I will never get back. This is the time when your baby looks at you and smiles and likes your interaction. When Baby Bella hits middle school and high school-well it will be a different story. I enjoy seeing her all day and trying to help her learn new skills and being captivated by the smallest of things as she tries to figure out what everything is. When she smiles-it lights up my world and if I was at work-I know that I would miss her too much at this age to be able to function properly in my role at a job.
Here are the previous posts from the series:
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