For some reason when you begin to talk about being a stay at home mother or women that stay at home a whole slew of comments and articles bombard us on this subject. It is almost like stay at home mom is a dirty word these days and you can find some pretty heated discussions whenever the subject is brought up. First things first-can we all agree that if you have a child-through your own blood, adoption, foster care,etc and you have decided that you are going to support that child/children financially, emotionally and legally-that you are a Mother? If we can all agree on that, then we should also agree that regardless of the fact that you earn a paycheck through a company, are a business owner, etc and are not staying at home everyday all day with your child OR if you don't earn those outside wages and do stay at home- that neither scenario means that you have less duties or responsibilities as a Mother? You would think that this simple way of looking at things would give a resounding "yes!" -but as it turns out-it isn't that simple.
For some unknown reason instead of us uniting as mothers the house is VERY divided. So it is of no surprise to me that when a woman is confronted with a decision to make -that it can be not only overwhelming but also an immense amount of guilt could also be placed on the individual.
BEFORE women were given the opportunity to find the same success as the men-staying at home wasn't a dirty word. It was something that you did for the well fare of your family, and was a role that you took on when you took on marriage. But remember the culture back then-divorce was a dirty word. Men had an extreme expectation to be able to provide for the family and it was also the time when a handshake meant we were in business. In today's world of lawsuits, starter houses, starter marriages, highly competitive job fields with high turnover and the need for instant gratification-well things have changed. So now women are faced with new obstacles. First above all is- do we even have children? Many women these days have decided that they enjoy being able to do what they want-when they want-without the responsibilities of a husband-let alone a child. Women have educated themselves and sought after ambitious careers. Then you have a new independence that women have acquired through hard work-and the "never want to have to depend on a man-I can take care of myself" mentality that I can pretty much say I have heard a ton of women say.
We now live in a world with a high rate of single parents, divorce schedules, and an economy that makes it almost impossible to survive on one income. So for some women-the choice is already made for them, so really there is no choice. For the women that have had this option taken away from them-it can be frustrating to see both sides of stay at home battle go into full force-because for the women that could make the choice-well that was something that wasn't an option for them. We all know that once your options are taken and you have to do what you need to do, without being able to make the choices you want, or at least have them as options-well in simplest terms-it sucks.
So let’s assume for this posting that you do have the choice. You get to decide if you want to stay at home or not. Well, it isn’t even really that simple.
The New Breed
There are a whole need breed of SAHM’s now. With jobs being moved from the work site to home, some women have new options. This woman works her job from her home and also takes care of her little one/ones, giving her the opportunity to not only contribute financially, but also have the gratification of caring for her children’s need on a daily basis. Then what about the flex schedule jobs. This can make sure that when you need to-you can also go to Mommy and Me classes during the day, attend doctor appointments, have play dates, meet with school advisers-just like the work at home mom or stay at home mom. Then you have the mothers that don’t do anything to supplement the income and only focus on running the household and relying on someone else to provide the financial means to the house. For the mothers that don’t stay at home at all through either working from home, flex schedule, etc and these mom’s can be the breadwinners for the household, or contributing enough for the family to survive financially, or truly love their jobs/careers and don’t want to let go of what they have worked for.
So which place do you fit into? We all want what is best for our children, so how do we know what that is? What is the best choice and how do we go about making it? This decision is a difficult one these days. Feminist can view this title of stay at home mother as a step back into the dark ages working AGAINST everything that women have worked so hard for-the right to vote, earn wages, etc. In fact, a common misconception for this group is that if you are staying at home not only have you turned back the clock to the 1950’s wife robot, but you are not an active participant in society and have chosen to be lazy all day. Here is my question to the feminist group-Wasn’t the point to be able to have a CHOICE? Shouldn’t we be celebrating the fact that women have options and not putting them into a box based on their decision for what is best for their family? Then you have the radical group of SAHM’s that believe if you are not staying at home with your child you have just committed a sin. YOU should be there for your child, YOU should do this, and YOU should do that’s. Again, the extreme side casts a dark shadow on the mommies that work and says to them, you obviously don’t CARE enough or you would stay at home. So my question to THOSE women is this-have you ever walked a day in my shoes? Good for you on what you are doing, but don’t judge me on what I am doing!
On another quick note-don't let the 1950's housewife picture in your head be fuzzied by the fact that they too did things to supplement income. Remember that the tupperware parties was during this time and started a boom of women selling products through their homes!
You can see my earlier little rant on this subject after reviewing the book “The Stay At Home Survival Guide” here at the“stay-at-home-survival-guide-review”. In looking at this topic I found another post on “http://www.momversation.com/articles/being-working-mom-harder-being-stay-home-mom” that for that particular article I really agree-your home environment needs to be a happy one. Who is anyone to judge your decisions or lifestyle?
What about me?
Personally-I say that I am a SAHM. However, I don’t feel like I fit into a traditional role. I do have things that I do from home to supplement income-but I don’t feel that you can put my situation into a box and have it define every one's situation, that does something similar to mine.
What about you?
So what is your take? Do you fit into a SAHM category, or is your situation unique to what has been posted here? What experiences have you had based on what you are doing in your role with your family? Have you had any judgments passed by looks and/or comments about your situation?
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