The stay at home survival guide-review

So as I posted I am reading this ebook by Melissa Stanton called “The Stay At Home Survival Guide.”  I would love to say that it is a great book, full of useful information and new ideas/tips to use-but I can’t even finish it.

The whole premise of the book seems to be advocating stay at home mothers (SAHMS), while validating why women should do it and dismissing how moms that are not stay at home just don’t get it and that society puts women in this-damn if you do, damn if you don’t when it comes to stay at home mothering.  It also talks about the spouses of stay at home moms and says what you should expect your husband to do since you are a stay at home mom.  Almost every chapter talks about non-stay at home moms-giving unrealistic raising techniques when it comes to children because the people that are saying x and z are not stay at home parents.

PPLLEEAASSEE!

Before I really get onto my soap box, let me start with this.  Mother is a very loose term.  At least to me it is.  A mother to me is anyone that cares for, provides financial support, emotional support and tries to the best of her ability to raise a child.  Just because you gave birth to a child, doesn’t mean that you are a provider to a child, and just because you didn’t give birth to a child doesn’t mean that you are not a Mom-and father’s of course fall into this same category. 

THE SOAPBOX:

Her book, chapter after chapter tries to validate with stories from other SAHM’s why it is better than someone who doesn’t.    Women that are embarrassed by the fact that when asked what they do, they find other ways to say that they are SAHM without saying it.  She talks of all these women that are smart, educated, financially secured housing for the family, etc, etc and how they “stepped down”.  Then goes into detail why the people that are not SAHM’s can’t possibly understand realistic standards when raising children.  Give me a break!  Then on top of it, you have these women that are upset with their partners for not helping out with more with things such as housework.  That there are alpha vs beta moms-in other words the ones that have it all together SAHM vs the slacker SAHM.

Last time I checked you didn’t need an MBA to be able to change a diaper.  Not only that, but who is to say that just because you are a SAHM that you are a better mommy than someone who isn’t????  Who made that determining factor?  Let me find that person and slap them in the face.  Be proud of the decisions that you are able to make, and for the one’s that don’t have a choice to be a SAHM or not-know that you are doing the best that you can.  For those that had a choice in being a SAHM or not, and are not being a SAHM for whatever reason-then you too are also doing the best you can.  Can’t we all get along????? 

Instead of it being a survival guide it was more like a bash fest.  I found myself beyond irritated.  Every role in your house is an important one, and I am sorry just because you are a SAHM does not mean that you love your child more.  For God’s sake-it isn’t a contest!  We are talking about your children!  Just like with any job, there will be things that you enjoy/don’t enjoy about it and being a SAHM .  BUT if you are working and raising a little one, it just means that you have TWO jobs!  Wouldn’t anyone understand that 1 job is more than enough and 2 can be overwhelming?  Then you add in that everyone and their brother says to breast feed for an eternity, but if you are working do you think you get the extra maternity leave for that????  Last time I checked the answer was no.  Instead you get a quiet room, in the workplace where everyone knows that you are pumping away behind the closed door.  Yeah…let me think-that doesn’t feel ackward at all.  RIGHT! 

So not only do we have society standards on how we are supposed to be mother’s, but we also have females grading females on motherly tasks-dictating categories for mothering abilities and judgment?  Why?  At the end of the day you need to be able to know that you did the best you could that day.  In some regards I think being a SAHM is easier  in some regards than someone that is trying to work and do all the things that the SAHM mom does on top of that.  Think about it, school activities…day time, doctors appointments..day time, play groups..day time, parent teacher conferences..day time and the list goes on and on.  Not only do working mothers have to take time off-which could be unpaid, but at the END of their long day at work-then they have to try to squeeze in all the things that they want to do with their children in the evenings and weekend.  Regardless if you work or not, being a mother is a full time job with no punch out time.  Instead of us judging each other-shouldn’t we be supporting each other?

Being a mother all unto itself is such a difficult role with such a huge responsibility..let’s face it-this little person/persons you have are going to go out into society at some point as adults.  No pressure right?  And I am sorry, but you can be the “best mother in the world” and still raise a serial killer.  No one wants to think that their child might have issues like that, but it happens.  We do what we can, in ways that we think is right-but there is little control over the final product.  Yes, I do believe that environment is a factor, but I also believe that your children are just who your children are.  If you are shy, you are going to be shy, outgoing-the same way.  As parents we try to offset these things, but again we can’t control it-or we would be raising robots.

I just couldn’t understand in reading this book why women would skirt the issue of them saying that they are SAHM’s.  To me it just sounded like they were ashamed.  COME ON!  I am sure nine times out of ten if you asked a male what he thought about someone being a SAHM he would say..good for them with no inclination on if it was a good decision or a bad one.  So why are the women judging???  I am a SAHM and proud of that.  Will I always be a SAHM?  I can’t answer that.  Do I miss working in a work environment-yes.  For me though (and this was a decision between my husband and I) this is what I am doing now.  There are a million factors into why we chose this for now-but do I think it is the best solution for everyone?  No I don’t.  Am I 100% sure that we made the right decision-no.

For the SAHM’s I get that everyone has their reasons for doing what they are doing.  I applaud your efforts and your dedication-so I am not trying to take away from the SAHM at all…I am one of you!  But let the record show that as proud as I am in what I am doing, I am also proud of any mother that is taking an interest in raising a child-regardless of what her choices are-and especially if we don’t decide to do the same things.  There are different parenting methods, different children and different mothers…can’t we all come together?

Maybe the jealousy factor is the reason.  If you are going off the deep end about your spouse being vacant when needed..well you might have a larger problem.  If I wasn’t such a control freak, then I would be able to bring an additional income to the family so that we would be better financially and actually buy a house sooner than expected for our little one.  Am I really the best person to be teaching life skills, motor skills, learning skills to my child?  I don’t know.  All I do know is that I am doing the best that I can, in a way that works for our family.  I wouldn’t want to live in anyone else’s shoes.  If I had the money would I hire a housekeeper or a nanny?  I have nooooo idea.  I can tell you that as a SAHM, your day revolves around the needs of your child with the expectation that everything else is going to get done to.  It is a lot of work and an endless stress-but there are joys from it.  I get to see the love of my life every day, all day (sorry hubby!!!).  Whatever disaster may break, or cranky day may arrive-I wouldn’t change it for the world.  Am I bored out of my mind most days??  YES!  Which is why I am still doing work for my mom, still trying to get my clothing line off the ground, making things to sell, and lets face it – writing these blogs!  Does it make me a bad mom that I don’t enjoy every second of every day because I am a SAHM – NO! and for the mother that is working to provide for her family in a different way than the SAHM-does it mean that she enjoys every second of her day at work-NO.  Does it mean that she made a bad choice for working if she had the option-NO and NO.

So for the record, I think every MOMMY regardless of SAHM or not is doing the best they can-and being a mom is hard enough, let’s support each other, help each other and not judge each other!  We are all human doing the best we can-and no one knows what the right answer is.  We should learn from each other-not feel guilty about our decisions because of someone else’s judgments!

Being a parent is hard enough-why the extra drama??

SOOOOOOOOOOO no I would not recommend reading this book! Lol.