One of the things that didn’t hit me until the end of Baby Bella’s 3rd month going into her 4th month was the realization of how much of a full time job being a parent is. Don’t get me wrong-I know that you have duties to raise a child and support them in different ways for their entire life. These needs change and develop as your little one does-but I don’t think it quite hits home until after you have been in your 24/7 tornado of your little one being home. Going into month 4 I found myself longing for a vacation and remembering the times when you wanted to go do something-and you just did. Now your whole life has changed and regardless on if you stay at home or if you work-your mommy duty doesn’t end because you are tired. You don’t get to punch out at the end of the day and say “wow that was a long day” and then you change your mind frame out of mommy mode. There is no such thing as a sick day.
Today was a different sort of day for me, so I thought that I would post about it. Now keep in mind it is 11:23 in the afternoon on a weekday. From my previous post our entire little family got sick and yesterday after feeling much better I had a craving for milk-which was a bad idea. I was awake most of the night from my stomach turning and bad gas. TMI-I know-but once you become a Mom those things don’t seem to matter anymore. Something about the labor process kind of kills the privacy factor. Once you are tossed around by different nurses, opened and prodded like cattle by various people and every body function monitored by staff-you overcome taboo topics that you wouldn’t discuss before. The USMC does this in a different way with showers-not allowing you to take a shower in the first 24-48 hours of bootcamp and then slinging all these women into a 2 minute shower-all of us naked and running towards water and soap no longer caring that we are nude in front of complete strangers. Same goes for childbirth. There is an instant bonding with mothers knowing that each of our situations were different, but being able to relate to one another on a different level.
Back to my point though-I was exhausted. My dutiful husband woke up and did the morning feeding and diaper change for me before he headed out the door and I was longing for the days when I could sleep in until noon, hang out in my pjs for the day and do absolutely nothing if that is what I wanted. Those days have long passed for me now. In a desperate sort of measure to regain sleep, I grabbed my little bundle of joy and put her in the crib with her light show and there she played while I got some more sleep. Finally at about 8:30 I knew she needed to eat again, so I scooped her up-changed her diaper and fed her. Then I held her on my tummy while I lay on the couch watching t.v. After some time I put her in the crib for a nap. So what is different about this day than most others? I really did nothing. I didn’t wake up, make the bed, prepare breakfast for her, clean the floors, start a load of laundry, pick up the house, have play time with Baby Bella, bath time with baby and then put her down for a nap. Normally when she goes down for her first nap that is my time to prep sewing work, go over financials, talk to my mother on the phone, schedule our calendars and take my shower. The only thing I did was lay around and then take a shower. So in a sense I got a little mini vacation this morning-and guess what-the world didn’t fall apart.
I am so go, go , go during the day trying to make sure that I have a very filled day with things that I need to get done. Bella Baby gets x amount of different play times, reading time, etc, etc and I work on misc items throughout the day. I needed this morning in order to re-charge. Yesterday I needed it and did a walk in the evening without baby and dog in tote thanks to my hubby. As a new mom-I find that little things can really help your mind frame so that you can jump back onto the saddle when needed and handle business. Let’s face it-any job that is 24/7 has break days where you are off the job. For example firefighters. They are a bread of reactionary at a moments notice and don’t get to say-you know, I am really tired right now let’s not go put out a fire! Parenting is the same thing only you don’t get days off at a time. Well, I take that back you can with the aid of family and babysitters, etc have time off, but it isn’t part of an every week routine AND at a moments notice you could be back on call if something happens.
I am not going to lie, I find myself gazing at the commercials of getaway vacations and drooling until reality hits that we can’t not only afford it, but our baby is too little for some of those things now. So, take what you can when you can. I don’t want to sound like I hate parenting-I don’t. I love being a mother more than anything in the world and my baby is the greatest gift I could have ever received. So some might find this post weird or strange that I felt like I got a little mini vaca this morning, but I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day!
I know that I am an extreme person and it would only make sense that I would probably be an extreme parent. I take being at home very seriously and because of that feel that I need to accomplish x amount of things for myself and my husband each day and that certain things MUST be done with our baby each day if I am going to fill my role properly. Sometimes I find myself back in bootcamp mode and have to remind myself that my baby is just that-a baby. She has certain needs that need to be fulfilled during the day, but the world isn’t going to come crumbling down if she didn’t get all the tummy time that I feel that she needs. The world isn’t going to fall apart if I don’t read to her one day. This huge responsibility of parent really doesn’t have any boundaries and we are all learning for ourselves, but perhaps the one thing that I should remember is that we are also human. My baby isn’t going to tell me that because we didn’t do our normal routine this morning that she is disappointed in me. So today I am cutting myself some slack and taking the day easy. Tomorrow I can go back to bootcamp Golini and you know what…I am fine with that!
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