Re-Learning to be a Mom

So life in its typical fashion decided to throw us some curve balls.  One of the reasons why I have not been on here to post is because of all the craziness.  However, somewhere in the mix of things I found my grounded point-and had a new look at myself as a mother.  Something that I think will happen quite often as I am on this new journey.

This past month or so has been-well to say the least-a whirlwind of different life curve balls.  I found myself giving new mommy advice in the same fashion that I winced at when I was pregnant getting it from someone.  That was an eye opener.  Yes - I fell into the new mommy trap of talking as if I had all the answers and solutions to a new mom-to-be and didn’t realize it until AFTER the conversation was over.  Then I found myself very actively giving new mommy judgment in full force to a new mother that was a part of our My Gym group-and let’s just say that I didn’t realize that either until the next time I saw her and then felt really bad.

My Mom came down to visit at which time our apartment decided that it wanted to show that it had water damage and we had to vacate the premises and stay in a hotel for a few days only to realize that we would have to move.  So I said good-bye to my Mother and a few days later was moved into a new apartment.

Where am I going with all this???  Well, it was important to note my foot in mouth moments happened prior to the house evacuation.  Then there I was alone-in a hotel room with baby and dog.  I was unable to leave the dog at the hotel..and well let’s face it-most places don’t really like you bringing toto with you so we stayed in the hotel..the 3 of us.  This is where my grounded moment came and I looked at things differently.

If you had been to our house prior to all this madness you would have seen a white erase board.  On it were all the activities that we were to try to do with baby Bella in a day.  A tracker if you will… to make sure that we were getting enough play time, tummy time, education time and the list goes on and on.  With me being stay at home I felt it was important to make sure that she had a well rounded day.  Trying to place structure where there really was none and now that I look back at it-I believe maybe even to justify my time at home.  With all of my “duties” and the white board staring at me each day I was frantic to make sure that my baby girl was getting everything that she needed.

Then came the hotel room.  No whiteboard, no educational time.  Just me and the baby.  The first day I panicked…really and truly I did.  How was she going to get all her play time?  I couldn’t put her on the floor of the hotel room..who knows when the last time the carpets were cleaned.  So we were truly limited on space and resources.  So you know what we did????  We cuddled.  I talked and played with her on my lap.  All the things we were supposed to do in the day went straight out the window and Bella was just Bella-and I was just me.  The world didn’t fall apart, my baby didn’t suffer and I enjoyed being with her..just the two of us.  As strange as this may sound-I had forgotten what that was like.  I was so wrapped up in all the things I “had to do” that I didn’t realize that the biggest part of the equation was just spending time with her-letting her be the cute little joy that she is.

So we moved into the new place and suddenly the white erase board seemed like the most idiotic idea I had ever had.  I haven’t used it since we moved into the new place.  I am going to use it for my work stuff now once I get settled.  What do Bella and I do now during the day?  We play.  I do whatever I want when I interact with her and don’t feel a need to make things be a certain way.  I used to get so upset that my husband wouldn’t do the same type of interactions with her..he would just hold her or lay next to her as she played.  Now, I get it.  I don’t get frustrated anymore that he should be giving her more tummy time to try to learn to crawl, or sitting time to build muscles.  Whatever he wants to do-well it is just fine by me.

Somewhere in the midst of everything I was turning into all the things I didn’t want to be..with the comments, the judgments and my own behavior at home.  How it all started happening I have no idea-but I am thankful that things happened the way that they did.  Bella smiles more during the day with me now.  She tries to talk more during the day now.  I am no longer trying to kill myself with the housework and all the baby duties.  If it gets done-then great!  However, if things fall to the wayside it isn’t the dirty laundry that didn’t get cleaned that I am going to remember.  It is going to be me making silly faces at my baby girl to watch her laugh, or singing to her and seeing her smile.  How I lost sight of that I have no idea, but I am glad that I am back to where I want to be now.

Everything happens for a reason…

Pregnant In Heels.....my review

So it would only be fair that I acknowledge that I have watched every episode of Bravo’s “Pregnant in Heels” series.  I had to throw in my two cents on this one.  I went into this thinking that it was going to be primarily about Rosie Pope who has her own boutique for maternity clothing whose niche is that you can wear the garments after baby as well.  

After the first episode, I wasn’t impressed-but thought that I would give it another shot.  Now I purely watch it to complete the season but find myself turned off by the entire thing.

So this is the deal-on top of being a boutique/clothing designer Rosie Pope performs a variety of tasks to help the wealthy mom-to-be of NY with a very broad range of services on anything that they want for a price. 

After the first few episodes I found myself frustrated with the majority of the content and unable to identify with any of the clients or Rosie Pope herself.  The only time that I have felt some type of connection to her is when she is talking about the process that she is going through trying to get pregnant-but that literally is only like one minute of the half hour show.  I would have been interested in seeing that as more the focus and her clients secondary.  I would also say that it was a huge let down to see this person as a designer of maternity clothing (which let us face this fact-we just never see those designers anywhere!) not designing clothing!  We don’t even get to see her boutique or what/how it is doing unless she is sitting there for 2 seconds asking what the day is going to be like.  What a letdown!  I didn’t even realize that her clothing was what she was wearing in the show or that the niche was you could wear it AFTER pregnancy until a couple of episodes in when it was lightly mentioned when a client asked her to do a fashion show for charity.  

I had thought that the show was going to be more geared towards something like…well…”The Rachel Zoe Project.”  I never really got into that show, but when they would show the repeats I watched all of them because I found the fashion interesting.  I believed that the meld between fashion and motherhood would be right up my alley since that is where I am right now-attempting to start a clothing line and a new mother!  Boy was I wrong.

FRUSTRATING:

• ·         The new mommy quiz she does-it is unrealistic and just bottom line stupid.  It is obvious she is only going off of her children and her experience and not taking anything else into consideration-sooooo unrealistic.  I can’t think of a worse way to make a new mom feel like a complete failure and the bottom line is it serves no purpose!

• ·         Baby proofing for a newborn-REALLY?????  This is just absolutely ridiculous!  I know of NO child that comes straight from womb to running around your house the first week.  Yet again-just another way for her clients to feel like idiots and it is not necessary.

• ·         Lack of her fashion and boutique in the episodes

• ·         Smack talking-how on earth are you able to see clients after this shows on TV and you have called all of your clients crazy and out of control????  If I had paid for her services and heard her smack talk about me on Bravo after the fact…hmmmm lawsuit???

Anyways, that is just my little voice on the subject.  I was largely disappointed and had been excited about this series.  I keep holding out that something will change with the show, but I doubt it.  If it happens to come back for a next season…I won’t be tuning in.  The show has made it impossible to identify with anyone including the main star of the show!

Want to watch the episodes yourself..here is the link http://www.bravotv.com/pregnant-in-heels

The Mommy Blues

So I took a break from the posts because I had a lot going on and for lack of better reason just really needed to get organized.  I thought a lot about why I started the blog in the first place and what it means to me-and now I am back.  The break although small in duration had a lot of things happen on the baby front.  We attempted swim classes, started second foods and I can see teeth trying to emerge from my little one’s gum line.  Also during this time, my husband is starting his last semester for his Master’s program, he had a gout attack and things with my stuff started to get busy.

With everything going on and the craziness, this week I started off fired up and ready to go.  Monday everything was going well, I got some housework done that was long overdue-the endless laundry pile had finally been conquered; I got project lists setup and to-do for the week all ready to go.  Then Monday night hit.  My husband walked in the door - frantic with work he needed to get done and one of his classes found out that a paper they thought was due Friday was due by midnight.  With his group on the East Coast, this left little time and add drama and lack of organization to the mix and we knew it was going to be difficult.

I hit a panic.  The call that they do is through a WebEx and with us being in a one bedroom and the living room really being the only place I can play with Isabella-it also serves as our office.  I knew that it was going to be high stress trying to keep the dog and baby as quite as possible and even the microwave warming up a bottle is too loud.  I felt this deep sorrow that I had no where that I could just take Isabella that was setup for her and without knowing how many hours to be gone and that I had spent my entire energy on the day I suddenly got exhausted and missing my mother.  

So I took Isabella to target since I needed to get formula anyway and wandered up and down the isle’s to kill time.  She ended up falling asleep-which was a disaster because it was so close to bedtime.  We lasted an hour and a half out at the store and then I brought us back.  The rest of the night was trying to keep her in the bedroom with story time with the dog and trying to be as quiet as possible.  Due to the fact that she slept in target, she didn’t want to go down for bed and by the time it was all said and done I was frustrated with our living space, upset that I didn’t get to go out for a run for some alone time and although I hate to admit this-was frustrated that my husband didn’t have any Isabella time for the day.

When I woke up today, it was stormy and cold outside.  I looked around the house and although I have a ton of things to get done I really didn’t end up doing anything that I needed to.  When baby Bella went down for her first nap I tried getting out my sewing machine to sew, but ended up turning it off and going and sitting on the couch-TV off, music off and dealing with a bad case of Mommy Blues.

So what are the Mommy Blues about?  Why do they creep up on you and take hold?  When baby Bella woke back up again we had a great play time together, I felt better and then when she went back down again – same thing.  Now this is not an everyday thing.  It just happens every once in a while.  Luckily I have 2 great friends that I was able to text with today and not feel so alone.  Maybe I spend too much of my day with my baby being my entire focus, or maybe I don’t spend enough time with her being my entire focus.  Maybe I need to get out of the house more or maybe I do get out of the house enough.  With the new job of parent I don’t think that I will ever know the answers to any of this.

I find myself frustrated and annoyed with everything including myself.  I know this will pass, but hate that it even happens.

I questioned so many things today, if I needed to be a SAHM, maybe I should focus less on other things and more on my baby.  The list goes on and on.  Maybe there is something that is even deeper that I don’t acknowledge.  OR maybe I am just tired.  Who knows????????

Anyways, there really isn’t a point to this post other than how I was feeling today…but maybe that is why my real mother story is and maybe that needs to be shared so that if another mom is feeling the same way…she knows she isn’t alone.

Time for a break

Hey everyone,


I wanted you to know that I will be taking a 1-2 week break from blogging.  As it turns out-there are some changes that need to be made with both the side business that I need to do and the clothing line that I want to get started.  My husband is starting his final semester for his Master's program with school (yeah hubby!) and will need to travel out of town.


I appreciate all of you that have taken the time to read these posts and your wonderful feedback.  As I am going through a transitioning phase-I thought that this would be a good time to get a poll together to find out what type of blogs are most useful to you, so that when I come back-I can be ready to go!!!!


Thank you all-and I will talk to you soon-
You can find the poll at the bottom of this post.  If you select other-please leave a comment about the type of posts that you like to read from me!!  Thanks so much!

Be A SAHM??? - The Series - Quiz!

So over this series we have covered some really important things to think about when trying to decide if you want to be a SAHM-and if you are a SAHM-what type will you be?  Will you be at home with a flex schedule?  Work from home?  Or will you not work at all and your new job will be entirely your household and raising your little one?

Having a child is such an incredible process that you go through.  It amazes me still to this day when I look at Bella Baby and think “I can’t believe that she was growing inside of me-this little person!”  Being a mother is an amazing journey-no matter which decision you make on the SAHM front-you have made the biggest decision of all-and that is to be a mother that is providing for the welfare of her child!

So after reading through the series are you still on the fence with your decision?  Or do you already know what you want to do?  Remember-nothing is ever set in stone and it may take some time for you to figure out what your new role is.  This is totally normal for you to have your good and bad days-and indecisiveness.  Remember, as long as you are doing what is best for YOUR family-that is all that matters!!!!  Don’t let anyone ever tell you any differently!

So I thought that I would post a few links to quizzes on if you think you should be a SAHM.  I hope that you all enjoyed reading the series!  It took a little longer than what I would have liked to get done-but I am excited that I have some new content coming to the site soon!

Quiz from Just for Mom

This is my outcome on the quiz:

46%  You are Stay-at-Home Ready

38%  Weigh Your Options

15%  Back to Work is Your Best Bet

53% of users are like you

Quiz from Parents.com

 

This particular quiz from parents.com scored that I should consider part time work.

I hope you have fun with the quizzes!